Written by Gee Pee
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Friday, 3 October 2014

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Nude News correspondents on the scene of a breaking story

The Canuck TV network Nude News has been sued by disgruntled subscribers who complain that the newscasters are not nude--at least, not all the time.

The female reporters typically appear wearing next to nothing--a skimpy black dress, for example, that shows plenty of cleavage (a kind of preview of coming attractions, as it were)--and, during their reporting of stories shown on a big-screen monitor behind them, which no one watches, either at home or in the studio itself, the "journalists" strip, first to their bras and panties, and, eventually, to their birthday suits.

"I didn't subscribe to see women in dresses or unmentionables, for that matter, Ima Lezz said. "I subscribe to see T & A, and that's what I expect to see, all the time, not just for part of the newscast!"

Other irate customers agree with Ms. Lezz. "If I wanted to watch news, I'd tune in the BBC; I don't care about the affairs of the world: I just want to giggle to the jiggle," O. Gull declared.

The stories that the Nude News ladies cover--or uncover--do tend to be a bit fluffy around the edges, network executives admit. Recent reports, for example, have focused on a supposedly real unicorn, costume play, hot tub parties, erectile dysfunction, and adult films, but the network's sponsors, especially Viagra and Cialis, are "okay with that," Moe Rhon, the network's Vice-President in Charge of Vice said.

Like porn stars, the anchors often use stage names consisting of given names "borrowed from celebrities" and sexy-sounding surnames like "Wilde," "Trotter," and "Lace."

"I don't give a damn what they call themselves," Peter Bigg said, "as long as they get naked, stay naked, and stop teasing me with cleavage and stripping. I want to see all flesh, all the time. Otherwise, I'm canceling my subscription and buying porn."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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