Written by jd Balderdash
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Topics: O. J. Simpson, Court

Monday, 20 November 2006

image for Defendant Pleads: If I HAD Been Speeding, This is how my car would have done it

OJ Simpson's upcoming expose has sparked multiple copycat "If I'd done it" cases spreading like Texas wildfire all across the nation trickling down all the way down even to municipal traffic courts of mid town America. Omaha resident Leon Palmer, ticketed for going 32 in a 20 mph school zone plead "Not Guilty" last week citing OJ's new "IF I'd done it" mantra which surprisingly garnished Palmer a verdict of NOT guilty.

Leon Parish admitting neither guilt or innocence simply told the Nebraska jury,

"IF I had been speeding .. (wink wink)"

The jury of 6 voted 6 to zero Parish. Defense attorneys across the nation, analyzing that Omaha court decision have now given an actual name to the "IF I HAD" legal maneuver calling it "The OJ Clause". Defense attorneys everywhere are in fact slowly beginning to realize the power of having a defendant, guilty or not simply facing the jury and with tears in their eyes going,

"IF I had done it .."

It doesn't work every time as seen in the case of Wallace Rosenberg of LA who on camera sold 2 ounces of Cocaine to a "man in a car". The "IF I had done it" defense COULD have worked if the man in the car had not been an LAPD undercover narcotics agent.

Studies show that the "OJ CLAUSE" defense against ANYTHING is indeed sweeping the country with President Bush even remarking,

"IF there had not been WMD's in Iraq, this is how I would have not gone to war"

all the way down to chief scumbag of them all, Scott Peterson, on death row now going,

"IF I had gotten rid of Lacy because I wanted to be with my new girlfriend, THIS is how I would have beaten her, strangled her, stuffed her and my unborn child in a bag and dumped her in the lake."

OJ Simpson inventor of the "OJ Clause" promises that anyone who pays $19.95 (US) for his new book will finally learn who really killed Nichole and Ron, it of course not being Simpson (but Mark Furhman according to OJ). Simpson in is book goes on to conclude

"If I LIED about anything in this book you just bought, here's how I would have lied about it .."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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