Written by Matt Brown
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Tuesday, 24 June 2014

image for Nicole Sherzinger getting all hot and bothered
Nicole's chocolate coated, golden balls have turned into cold, hard, low-fat purple balls.

Nicole Sherzinger has been very vocal on our televisions lately. Writhing in pleasure as she delicately slurps down some luxury yoghurts.

Moaning in ecstasy as she glides her perfectly manicured fingers through her sleek and shiny lathered up mane. It seems she experiences what most would deem minor, regular activities 1000% stronger than every other woman on earth. Heaven knows what would happen if she ever found herself eating a yoghurt in the shower.

Rumours have also hinted that she is set to be appointed as the face of table salt, turnips, Wartner, 50% off paint stripper at B&Q and salmonella poisoning. It's unlikely she'll be quite so enthusiastic then.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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