Written by queen mudder
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Saturday, 18 November 2006

image for "We'll give it until Thanksgiving", quip Nicole and Mimi
Castello Odescalchi - a moudly old castle - perfect romantic setting?

Rome - (Associated Mess): As film stars, Scientology glitterati and other C-List celebs arrive in the timeless ancient city of Rome ahead of Tom Cruise's wedding to budding starlet Katie Holmes, two former wives are said to be chuckling with glee as they lay bets on the duration of their ex's latest attempt at tying the knot with a member of the opposite sex.

Having consulted their respective astologers' and former divorce lawyers' advice, both are said to have come to the same conclusion that the omens bode ill for this latest rash conjunction. And that the whole sorry spectacle "will be over by Thanksgiving".

"She should have realised he was nuts the minute he decided to call the baby the French name for a mouse", Mimi laughed, recalling little Miss Souri Cruise's birth.

Meanwhile Nicole warned that the happy couple's union may be hexed by their pre-wedding stay at the Roman Castello Odescalchi in Bracciano which is said to be notoriously haunted by the ghost of Isabella de' Medici.

This scionette of the famous Venetian dynasty was murdered by her cuckolded husband after he indulged in his passion for cross-dressing in the vestments of a cardinal and heard her confess to countless infidelities with lovers whom she then murdered.

After consumating the act of adultery wily Isabella took the hapless victims of her lust to an ante-chamber in the Castello where the luckless paramours were pushed down a trap door into a well lined with razors and filled at the bottom with quicklime.

Scores died in this pit and the ancient grounds are said to groan at midnight with tormented Isabella's wicked laughter...

But hey! In their latest pre-nup Audit, superstitious fears were irrevocably erased by the confident couple's Scientology matrimonial therapist.

The wedding is scheduled for tomorrow.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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