Written by Auntie Jean

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Saturday, 21 June 2014

image for Star Trek Captain Picard Taken Over by Bjorn Borg
Borg Assimilation DVD

Captain Jean Luc Picard has been assimilated into the Borg while watching a Tennis Tutorial DVD. Bjorn Borg alias 3 of 5 has changed the DNA of Captain Picard by sinister reverse incantations on his "Learn Tennis With The Borg" DVD.

One of the factors that made Bjorn Borg 3 of 5 unique was his dominance at getting new assimilations.

Another trait usually associated with Borg is his chanting backwards technique, repeating "We are The Borg - You will be assimilated - resistance is futile!" backwards. His calm court demeanor earned him the nickname "Ice-Borg."

Captain Picard said, "I am just nicely retired and have received my travel pass from Star Fleet Command. I though I might take up lawn tennis as I couldn't play it on a Star Ship. I had a fright yesterday when I saw Benedict Cumberbatch and I had to kill him."

Asked by our reporter what he would do instead of lawn tennis in his retirement he said, "assimilate technology, kill people and destroy worlds, plus grow giant onions or a few brussels sprouts. Maybe even have a beer and a game of chequers.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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