Written by E. Williams
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Wednesday, 18 June 2014

Middletown, NJ - Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino, who gained notoriety on MTV's classy show Jersey Shore, was arrested for fighting with his own brother at a local tanning salon that the pair own together.

Apparently, the double douchebags came to blows over a disagreement about which was better for business: Spray tans or the traditional tanning beds.

It's a question most families debate on a regular basis and, as co-owners of a tanning business, one which the brothers are especially passionate about.

"The Sitch's" brother, a huge dickhead in his own right, is on "Team Sprayer" and feels that the spray tan will wash away and fade quicker thereby prompting more repeat business.

"The Sitch" himself, on the other hand, is the captain of "Team Bed" and feels nothing can compete for achieving the lasting, superficial tan one gets from putting in the extra time soaking up the fake rays of a tanning bed.

Both brothers are equally vacuous and shallow so it was no surprise to their staff and customers that the two finally lost it and went after each other like cavemen.

The guidos were released after posting bond at the local jail and have a court date scheduled for next month.

According to witnesses, "The Situation" fought like a little punk-ass bitch and should change his name to "The Bitchuation."

One bystander said the fight was embarrassing but wasn't surprised because, "Sitch is one of those 'Bedders'. Everyone knows spraying is the way to go, man."

The tanning controversy rages on but one thing remains the same - some guys just never grow up.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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