Written by Jack Allen
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Sunday, 25 May 2014

image for New Law Protects Jay Z and Beyoncé
Now just the home of the brave.

Free speech is to take a back seat as stating something unpleasant or publishing a negative comment about shit-hot super-couple Jay-Z and Beyoncé is to become a criminal offence.

Due to the incident surrounding Beyoncé's sister Solange, the couple known for being absolutely amazing at everything and awful at nothing, is to be protected under a new law to ensure their brand image is kept in tact. Authentic Dr, Mr. Dre had the following to say on the matter.

"They are a great African-American couple, showing the rest of the black population that you don't have to sell out and become corporate slags to make it to the top. How many men from the hood can say they've released a fragrance at Superdrug and maintained their hardcore reputation?!"

The musical pair have been tongue in colon with the media for some time, but now it seems this relationship will go on long after they both snuff it in a way that won't involve drugs, guns, or a donkey punch gone wrong.

The celebrity couple plan on renewing their wedding vows next year in what is planned to be a spectacle that will rival, and closely imitate, William and Kate's royal wedding. However, there are plans for more gold to be on show at this event and a proper arse to stare at. Read into the latter comment how you please. Just don't refer to this article in public when you do.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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