Written by Adrian Booth
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Monday, 19 May 2014

image for Girl Finally Meets 'Soul Mate' After 5 Relationships In 9 Months
Love is shopping together

Kirsty Edwards admits to being a "hopeless romantic". Her status updates regularly feature posts on how "tired she is of guys" and how "there's no decent men out there". Every so often her friends are subjected to a fortnightly breakdown as the guy she's currently dating refuses to engage in pillow talk about horoscopes.

Edwards, a small, petite 23 year old Masters student told this correspondent that her love life always involved drama. "The past 9 months I've dated 5 guys. I always thought they'd be the one, yet they always seem to disappoint me. The guy I broke up with last month refused to change his relationship status after saying he wanted to keep things private between us. I mean what's his problem?".

Edwards frequently interrupted this correspondent as she looked through pictures of herself on her phone. "I shouldn't be doing this interview. You don't want to be around me until I've taken my morning selfie"

As this correspondent went for a cigarette break to ease the raging hatred he felt towards her, Edwards continued to take pictures of her face and started to cry after getting 'only' 8 likes. "I mean, Susan Boyle can get 15".

After further discussions, it became apparent Edwards had been dating a new guy in the last few weeks. "I feel I've finally met my soul mate. It's been 3 weeks, and already I can tell he's the one to grow old with", said Edwards as she set herself up for a wretched lifetime of disappointment.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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