Written by Jeff Brone
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Topics: Lou Reed

Saturday, 17 May 2014

Lou Reed communicated from the after life with a message of hope recently, encouraging mankind with assurances that heaven really does exist and the proof of that is that he now can actually carry a tune.

"I've learned about all those things like pitch and rhythm and tempo, and I now can sing a simple song which, I believe, sounds pretty good. " said Reed in a séance conducted by New Jersey psychic Madame Goldstein.

Reed went on the communicate that there are things called "keys" which, it seems, songs are written and sung in. "They're like the keys on a piano. That's how I remember what they're called, and they're important to singing." Reed also said that he was surprised to learn that you should really only sing the notes that are on the piano, not try to make up other ones.

Reed said he was having a great time in heaven making music and singing. He added "I'd say I sound pretty good. Not great. After all, I can't expect miracles."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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