Written by El Capitaz
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Wednesday, 14 May 2014

image for Justin Bieber Forming Militia, Plans to Assault Cliven Bundy Ranch
The Bieber Militia Recon Team

Sources say Justin Bieber is distraught over how his shenanigans have backfired.

Desperate to prove himself a man and gain 'street cred', the pop star embarked on a series of misadventures last year designed to show that he's a 'bad boy'.

However, after seeing pictures of him spraying graffiti on a hotel wall, hearing about how he tries to take credit for assaulting people who his squad of security goons pummel, and watching video of him being arrested for DUI, in which he looked like a sissy and behaves like nothing more than an obnoxious punk, public opinion has been negative and he's decided to change his strategy-he's forming a militia.

We spoke to one of Biebers inner circle, 'Chucky'.

"Yo yo,when Bieb heard about those cowboys out in Nevada, he was like 'yo, that's what I need, man' so we flew to Vegas and drove out there to join up; but yo, those dudes were harsh!

The called us a bunch of little bitches and told us to go back to school! Bieb was pissed, so he's like, 'yo, screw those fools! I don't need them; I'll get my own militia!'

So we put out the word, man, and so far we got, like, 200 teenage girls signed up. If we can just get a few dudes with mad fighting skills, we're going back there to kick some ass, man!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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