Written by queen mudder
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Tuesday, 6 May 2014

image for Sharia-style lapidations for anyone caught fornicating at Sultan of Brunei's Beverly Hills Hotel
Strictly no gay twerking in the Ayurvedic treatment rooms

Los Angeles - And filthy - uh, fifty! - lashes for sneaking in rough trade into the $10,000-night Presidential Suite, especially from outside Brunei's officially-sanctioned hooker pool.

The draconian punishments also apply to what Sultan Hass-Anal Bolkiah's edict calls acts of perversion - such as homosexual twerking in the hotel's lobby, elevators, steam rooms and/or Ayurvedic medicine treatment spa.

Ditto acts of gross indecency like posting internet footage of Boliiah's wayward brother Prince Jefri shagging betattooed Eurotrash tramps at this year's Vienna Spring Ball.

From Monday the hotel's new Code of Conduct also upholds Dark Ages punishments for a range of crimes including stealing the hotel's exclusive fluffy towelling bathrobes.

Perpetrators face amputations and surgical strikes on relevant parts of the anatomy commutable to a hefty ten grand fine.

"Most of the punishments can be applied to non-Muslims," a former hotel concierge said today.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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