Written by Burnred
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Topics: ITV, TV commercials

Tuesday, 29 April 2014

image for Telly Programmes to be 'Slotted In' Between Commercials on ITV
'A nice 'cuppa'

In a brave new move, ITV have announced that TV programmes will now be 'shortened' to make way for popular commercials such as ''The Meerkats' and 'The Typhoo Monkey'.

In a report commissioned by ITV, electric supplier 'First Utility' discovered some extraordinary habits by British Consumers. A spokesperson told 'The Spoof' in an exclusive interview, "We found that consumers were 'putting the kettle on' whilst the scheduled programming was actually about to start", he continued, "for example we noticed huge 'spikes' in electricity usage as Coronation Street started, presumably giving British families time to settle down to watch the great commercials before part two".

Due to the unexpected results ITV are to implement sweeping changes across all it's channels. For example it's thought that Saturday Night favourites such as 'Britain's Got Talent' will now have a total running time of approximately seven minutes, with the other fifty three minutes being "packed with great high budget, British Made product placements". The Meerkats will have a regular 10 minute slot, and ITV are in negotiation with top commercial production company 'The Gate' to produce an 'epic' twelve minute long 'pantie liner ad'. Actresses Sienna Miller and Keira Knightley have been approached for major roles in the commercial.

In other planned changes, News at Ten will be re-named 'News at Ten Past', making room for nine minutes of ads before the show, and big movies will be shown over four nights.

An ITV insider told 'The Spoof', "We really don't think the viewers will notice much difference, the ads have always been the most popular programming across all our channels, in fact we've actually only been showing ads on ITV4 since February and we've had no complaints.

We'll keep you posted.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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