Written by Steddyeddy
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Saturday, 26 April 2014

image for Britain's Got Talent winner announced prior to live finals
A real star

The winner of the 2014 series of "Britain's Got Talent" was announced tonight ahead of the live finals due to take place after the dreadful supermarket advertisements voiced-over by that booming chap who's not Brian Blessed.

It was confirmed that a Redrow Homes house-brick has won this year's series, despite the efforts of Simon Lloyds-RBS-Santander to sign either a talentless boy band or warbling youth with an earring who sings like he has constipation to his label to enable him to make even more money.

The decision to award the prize to the house brick was taken by both Amanda Holden and Alesha Dixon, both of whom specialise in not recognising talent unless it hits them over the head.

They did this to avoid David Walliams actually hitting them over the head with said brick himself out of sheer frustration with his own efforts to have someone with actual talent win the competition.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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