Written by D P Whitehead
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Thursday, 24 April 2014

image for 85 Year Old Joan Rivers To Be Melted And Used By Prison Inmates
Joan Rivers In 1985

85-year-old comedienne Joan Rivers has apologized for making a pretty funny joke on the "Today" show Tuesday in which she compared living arrangements with her daughter to the ordeal of three women held captive for a decade by Ariel Castro.

The joke, while funny, has annoyed some - and Rivers has apologised by offering to have herself melted and her remains used to provide plastic plates and utensils for prison inmates across America.

"It's the least I can do," said Rivers, "and, to my fans, I am sorry, but I make no apology, but there will be no more snide, crass remarks from me. It's just too much trouble offending people these days. No one has a sense of humor."

Rivers, best known for (Ed: please fill this in when you find out), will be melted Sunday.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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