Written by Jack Allen
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Monday, 5 May 2014

image for 1D Avoid Million Pound Claim From Fan's Mother!
Not a 'Sign Guy': All 1 Direction's 'sign guys' are fully CRB checked

The boy-band One Direction have avoided a multimillion pound claim put against them because of the effectiveness of their wet-floor 'sign guys.'

Thousands of One Direction fans packed into the 02 Arena last night, during which a 14-year-old girl walked across a section of the floor where a group of over excited French teenage girls had recently been standing. The young girl then immediately slipped on the floor, fracturing her skull. After the girl was declared stable the victims' Mother put in a claim but was immediately dismissed because of 1D's travelling group of 'sign guys'.

According to Syco Music, every 1D gig has fifteen 'sign guys' employed to place wet floor signs down wherever there are any potential slip or trip hazards, and deal with them when possible. Each 'sign guy' has a camera strapped around their head to record the work they have done to dismiss any potential claims.

The band's management have not released a formal statement but Harry Styles has said: "We've sent out some free tickets and a pair of Timberland boots to the girl. Get well soon!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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