Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 18 April 2014

image for Rosie O'Donnell Drops A Whopping 51 Pounds!
Donald Trump said that the new Rosie looks fantastic.

MANHATTAN - Family and friends of comedian Rosie O'Donnell hardly recognize her now that she has lost 51 pounds.

O'Donnell talked with Ashburn Wasabi of The Right Coast Revue at a Vicious Guppy Seafood Diner.

When asked what her secret was she giggled and said "Staples."

"Whoa." Wasabi remarked.

Rosie told him that she had gone in and had her stomach stapled along with her tonsils.

When asked why she would have her tonsils stapled she replied that it's just a procedure that was developed last year by an Irish doctor in Dublin.

She explained that the tonsils are stapled in the middle of the throat so that when a piece of food passes through, it hurts like hell and it makes you not want to eat.

Rosie said that she has gone from 230 down to 179 and she proudly boasted that her wife Michelle Rounds told her that she looks sexier than ever.

SIDENOTE: O'Donnell told Ashburn Wasabi that she is one very lucky woman because her wife is prettier and hornier than the wives of most men.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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