Written by CaptainSausage

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Sunday, 13 April 2014

image for Britain's Got Talent returns for a new series
Happy prepares for his act by feasting on the corpses of failed Britain's Got Talent contestants

ITV's premier entertainment vehicle, Britain's Got Talent, has returned to our TV screens for another series. The show demonstrates the best variety acts that the pathetic worm-ridden British people can scramble together. It usually attracts desperate misfits and unselfconscious naive halfwits, and is one of the few places on TV where you can see genuine working class people.

There were a number of interesting acts in the first show, including a trampolining nun and a deaf-blind sword-swallower. But the show was stolen by Happy the Sausage Dog.

Happy was led on stage by his owner and placed in front of a bucket. On cue, to the tune of Spanish Flea, Happy began to vomit into the bucket. He continued to vomit, and kept on vomiting for several minutes. The volume of sick that came out of the small animal was seemingly impossible. Simon Cowell and the other judges sat transfixed and the audience gasped in amazement and disgust.

After five minutes had passed and the dog still continued to puke, Happy was asked to stop. When he finally did, Cowell wiped a few drops of dog saliva from his chin and summed up the act by saying, "That is simply the best act we have ever had on BGT. I don't think we'll see anyone better on this show. I can't wait to see what Happy will do next."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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