Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 24 March 2014

image for Dancing With The Stars' Len "The Grouchy Grouch" Goodman Says Mark Ballas Better Cut His Silly-Looking Hairdo Or It'll Affect His Score
An inside source at DWTS says that it takes Mark four times longer to dry his hair than anyone else.

HOLLYWOOD - There is perhaps no one on American television who is more ornery, more cantankerous, and more hated than Dancing With The Stars judge Len "The Grouchy Grouch" Goodman.

The 69-year-old Englishman (who looks 89) is perhaps one of the most hated individuals to ever appear on U.S. TV screens with the one possible exception of Celebrity Apprentice's Omarosa, who was a real first-class beatch, as they say on Long Island.

DWTS host Tom Bergeron has described Len as acting like he has fire ants in his britches.

The Gaytalian judge Bruno Tonioli says that he thinks that Goodman probably acts like a complete jackass because he misses his customary daily intake of fish and chips and his apricot crumpet.

Carrie Ann Inaba meanwhile says that she has no idea what the hell Len the Hen's problem is but confesses that the British chap strongly smells like a combination of Geritol, Stella Artois Beer, and Viagra.

Goodman has recently focused his venomous attention on pro dancer Mark Ballas who showed up this season with a pompadour type of hairdo reminiscent of some of the country music artists (male and female) of the 50s and 60s.

Someone asked Mark if his hair dryer had exploded while he was drying his hair.

Len the Hen told Ballas that he wants him to cut off that silly-looking hairdo. He stressed that if he doesn't it will affect his score because he will deduct one point from his score until he cuts his hair.

SIDENOTE: Mark Ballas is quite upset at Len Goodman's threat and he is considering hiring the legal services of noted California attorney Ginger Allred.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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