Written by joelkane
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Thursday, 20 March 2014

image for Justin Beiber's Monkey Drops Album From German Holding Cell

MUNICH- The now infamous OB Mally, Justin Beiber's abandoned pet Capuchin monkey, released his new album from his quarantine cell at the German Customs Agency in Munich today. To a standing room only crowd, OB Mally let out a 14 track playlist featuring compilations with Ludacris, Kid Cudi, K$sha, Nora Jones, and a confused and upset orangutan, among others.

OB Mally was unavailable for comment, but his agent stated that, "In the wake of everything that happened with Justin, Mr. Mally is just happy to get back to doing what he loves." OB Mally and Justin Beiber had previously released 14 compilations together, including most of Beiber's more popular tracks. Said one music critic on Justin Beiber's hit song Baby, "Only a monkey could have written something like this."

Despite critical and financial success the creative pair split after an incident at German customs where Beiber was unable to provide the correct documentation. Since Beiber has had a torrential year and a half and Mally had remained quiet on the scene. Until today.

"The compilations are really unique," a visibly excited Evan Burns (NSQ music critic) stated, "it's like [OB Mally] really got back to his roots. Connected with what made audiences love him." In particular, the track featuring Coco the angered and visibly upset orangutan was met to huge applause, which only further confused the primate till animal control tranquilized and bagged her. "Yeah it was a shame Coco couldn't stay out a little longer-you know, really jam" Burns commented, "but the soundbites from Beiber's indictment were a great filler for the primate."

Meanwhile, Justin Beiber's attempts at compilation with other animals have been met with no critical avail. "The track with the humpback whale was strange. An unusual pick even for someone as artistically and intellectually dissonant as Justin."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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