Just two months after the birth of their second child, former pop princess and Mickey Mouse Clubber Britney Spears has filed for divorce from her husband, pseudo rapper and wanna be actor Kevin Federline.
"Them papers we filed in the court said it was fer irreconcilable differences or some other legalese," said Spears. "But the truth is just that we couldn't get along no more."
"He was always hangin' out with his skanks and doing marijuana and other drugs and drinkin' in front of the kids. I don't want them to get that kind of impression that life is supposed to be about that. I want them to grow up in a wholesome environment."
Federline, whose entertainment career as a rapper and actor has not been as successful as his wife, made little coherent comment. In fact, the only statements that were completely understandable were "you wanna toke" and "pass me a beer."
When asked where they planned to live, Spears was quick to say that she would get the houses and that "him and his skanks would be back on the streets where they belong."
Spears did say that she felt a two parent family was necessary for her children. When asked if there were any men that she was currently interested in, she listed The Dallas Cowboys, the Duke Lacrosse Team, The Chippendale dancers, and "that buff guy whose picture is on all of the romance novels."
She wants to try out potential suitors and says that qualifications and application forms will be listed on her website, lactatingbiggerthaneverpopprincess.com, some time next week.
"I want a real man that will take care of me and love my children. I've got money coming out the wazzoo, so that is not a problem or a requirement."