Written by Gee Pee
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Monday, 10 March 2014

HOLLYWEIRD, CA - Had Ed McMahon lived long enough to see the sex tape of his famous boss, Johnny Carson, that's reportedly being offered, privately, for sale to the highest bidder, McMahon might have amended his famous introduction of the Tonight Show host from "Heeeeeere's Johnnnnnny" to "Heeeeeere Commmmmmes Johnnnnnny!"

Carson, the tape indicates, was as long on masculinity as he was on the air.

The tape begins with Johnny, nude, lounging poolside with one of his many wives. (Which one? To find out, apparently one has to be the highest bidder in the private bids for his privates.)

Then, he and his wife repair to their bedroom for a two-minute quickie, after which Johnny, reportedly, he's heard thumping his chest and emitting a bellow not unlike that of Tarzan the Ape Man. (Insiders say that Carson liked to "role play.")

There's no word on who did the filming.

So far, no one has expressed any interest in buying the tape-or, for that matter, in actually watching it. It's been a while, after all, since Johnny Carson did much of anything, sexual or otherwise; he's been dead since 2005, and, some of his female admirers, it is rumored, contend, much longer than that.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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