Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 7 March 2014

image for American Idol's Emily Piriz Going Back Home To The Plywood State (Florida)
Last year's winner Phillip Phillips performed and showed that he still has not yet developed a personality.

HOLLYWOOD - The three American Idol judges, Jennifer Lopez, Keith Urban, and Harry Connick, Jr., all stated at the start of the elimination show that they are getting harsher with their critiques because the producers have told them they have to in order to keep up the viewers interest.

One American Idol insider stated anonymously that this year's contestants are by far the worst of the entire AI history.

Of course Junior, as Ryan calls Harry, was told to say that they are by far the best, but even Andy Dick, who knows about as much about music as Kirstie Alley knows about dieting, would have to admit that Chief Sitting Harry speaks with forked tongue.

And just when everyone thought that we had heard the last of Randy "The Dawg's" Jackson's worn out cliché..."Yo, Yo, Yo, dude, that was just too pitchy for me" Mr. Connick comes out with a new one (or three).

Junior has already mentioned these cliché phrases at least 16 times. "You were too sharp throughout the whole song." "You sang out of tune all the way through the entire song." And "Your clothes are kind of on the yucky side (bro or hon)."

Jennifer calls everyone sweety and Keith calls everyone baby.

And "Peaches" Seacrest needs to stop asking all of the singers what they had for breakfast.

This week found the Bottom 3 comprised of girls again, maybe that's because most of the voters are young teenage girls who vote for guys.

N.K. Nobillette, the lesbian girl from San Francisco found herself on the dreaded stool for a second week in a row.

Michigan native Jena Irene, who pronounces her name nothing like it looks (Gee-Na) was not a happy camper as she took a Bottom 3 stool as well.

And the third Bottom 3 stooley was Emily Piriz, who did a Jennifer Lopez imitation that on a scale of 1 to 10 was about a 3.2.

Nobillette and Irene were sent to safety. Piriz had to sing for her life as "Peaches" so dramatically puts it.

The judges did not use their save (everyone knew they wouldn't).

And so Emily Piriz will pack her things and return to Florida AKA The Plywood State.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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