Written by joelkane
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Friday, 7 March 2014

LOS ANGELES At the 86th academy awards the big winner was again perennial favorite White Guilt who topped off his already storied career with his 58th Academy Award for his performance in 12 Years A Slave.

Says Guilt, "It was amazing to be part of a film like this-it's basically like the Staples Easy button, but with Oscars."

Since he was discovered in the mid-1960s, White Guilt has always been busy during awards season. He garnered his first nomination for the 1965 film SLAVERY HAPPENED and ever year since a storm of accolades has surrounded the actor/director. In fact, despite this year marking win 58, Guilt has actually only been nominated for 40 Academy Awards.

Says former president of Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Science and super Caucasian Hawk Koch on the discrepancy, "Really? Well, we all know he deserves them any way-you know because of the whole-well you know-I mean the acting thing obviously." When asked, current African American AMPAS president Cheryl Boone Isaacs replied, "Are you kidding me? The whole White Guilt thing again? God, it's every year with you idiots."

This is not the only controversy surrounding Guilt's many wins. In 2004 some questioned favoritism on the part of the Academy after Guilt won his 40th Academy Award for his performance in Mean Girls. A film he had, "Never heard of."

Despite the historic win Guilt has not forgotten his roots in stand-up comedy, where he still enjoys, "Making white audiences feel uncomfortable."

Other big winners from the night include Token Woody Allen Nomination and Movie About AIDS, which garnered their 30th and 18th wins respectively.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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