In a development that has rocked the world of showbusiness, it was discovered at the weekend that Cheryl Cole's arse has a severe infestation of greenfly.
The star, who for some strange reason had her rather beautiful posterior covered in the tattoo of a rosebush, had been seen to be continually scratching it during the past seven weeks.
While onlookers assumed it was either a sponsorship deal with the tattoo artist or a request by concerned mothers to demonstrate to their daughters how to be a total prat, the fact that Chery was seen scratching her arse in Aldi, in Poundworld, on the bus and even at the X-Factor judges auditions, it was felt by members of her family that something might be wrong.
She was admitted to the Tyneside Garden Centre at the weekend who confirmed that she has a very sever greenfly problem.
Diarmuid Gavin said that it shouldn't take him more than a week to diagnose and eradicate Miss Cole's problems.