Written by Jalapenoman
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Topics: Britney Spears

Monday, 6 November 2006

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Britney Spears, former pop queen and media personality, has announced that she is expecting another child (her fifth in the last two years). The musician/actress and her husband, Kevin Federline, are reported to be excited by the news.

Said Britney,"When I was growing up in that trailer park playing dolls with all of the neighborhood kids, I used to always dream of having a large family. I just love being barefoot and pregnant.

"When I decide to leave out here and return to the south with my family, we'll get us a nice double wide and a swing set and a trampoline fer our kids and just let 'em have fun.

"I'll be the mom who makes Kool-Aid and a whole tray of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for all of my children's friends."

When told that it was physically and biologically impossible for a woman to have five full term pregnancies in a two year period, Spears-Federline was not agreeable.

"I'm Britney and this is Hollywood. We have all of the special effects stuff and ILM out here. We sent Captain Kirk into space and made radios out of coconuts for Gilligan. We help Oliver Stone re-write history with all of his movies and help Michael Jackson's nose get different with every video. We keep Dick Clark from aging and Hugh Hefner's thingie from falling off from overuse. We make talking cars and animals and lots of other neat stuff. If I say that I want to have ten babies in four years (apparently her goal), then my agent will make sure that I get those babies."

When asked why she wanted that many children, Britney said that the kids, her, and her husband would give them a family of twelve and she had always heard that things were cheaper by the dozen.

In a related story, Christina Aguilera announced today her intention to have eleven children and live in a triple wide. Lindsey Lohan issued a press release stating that she wants a dozen kids and will have two double wides on her ranch. Hillary Duff, upset by Lohan's announcement, said that she was the one in the Cheaper by the Dozen film, but she would go one better and have thirteen kids by the time she turned 21 and that she would purchase a whole trailer park. Paris Hilton, when informed of these statements, said that these starlets were trying to be trashy and out trump each other and that she intended to not have any children, but instead wanted fifteen tea cup chihuahuas.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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