WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A classified report from the Department of Homeland Security just given to the Washington Post shows that the deceptions behind Kazakh journalist Sagdiyev Borat's political machinations are much deeper than previously thought.
While many earlier reports, including those published in the Washington Post, New York Times and the Times of London, have questioned whether Borat is an actual person or a ruse concocted in Hollywood, the new investigation shows that even the alleged comedian behind the supposed fraud is himself a liar. The actor who is widely thought to have created Borat, who is supposedly named Sasha Cohen is not Sasha Cohen at all, according to a rigorous scientific analysis.
The computer-aided topographical analysis by the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration's Jet Propulsion Laboratory, which compared known pictures of Sasha Cohen taken of the medal stand at the Turino Olympics to those of the actor perpetrating the Borat hoax, provides definitive evidence that they are not the same person.
"There are three local maxima, two on the skater Cohen and one on the 'actor' Cohen, which have no corresponding feature on the other," said Eric Lindstrom, a topographer with JPL.
A separate classified investigation also outlines the probable reason behind the hoax: to de-rail the warming of Israeli-Kazakhi relations. A source inside the U.S. State Deparment says that it is no coincidence that the fraudulent Cohen is trying to steal the identity of Olympic silver-medal winning figure figure skater Sasha Cohen -- America's leading Jewish athlete.
Borat, the report says, is in fact a Kyrgyzstani intelligence service operative whose mission is to disrupt a pending economic pact between Kazakhstan and Israel, in which Kazakhstan would provide all of Israel's fermented horse urine needs.
The strategy seems to be working well as "Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan," 20th Century Fox's big-screen incarnation of the alleged Cohen's Kazakh journalist from "Da Ali G Show," was the number one box office draw during its opening weekend, taking in $26.4 million.
The government of Kazakhstan is scrambling to repair its image in the world and its relationship with Israel, but despairs of ever doing so.
The fact that such a high profile movie portrays Kazakhstan as a nation of anti-Semites who rank women lower than donkeys and drink fermented horse urine, Kazakh government officials say will be hard to counteract, especially given that the weekend take for the movie exceeds the annual federal budget of the country.
Copyright 2006, Douglas Salguod