Written by queen mudder
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Thursday, 27 February 2014

image for Scandalous stars for Sunday's Oscars Night
The fault's in ourselves and not the bloody stars!

Los Angeles - Giant black holes 'as large as the Big Dipper' have appeared in two of Hollywood's most famous senior luminaries' birth charts as they ready to receive Lifetime Achievement Awards from the Oscars Committee.

Woody Allen and Roman Polanski have been tipped the wink about 'something truly awesome' happening against a backdrop of frenetic zodiac activity in Hollywood this weekend.

Astrologers are describing Sunday's star-studded Oscars Night karmic conditions as capable of sucking up all kindsa toxic stuff into one lurid conjunction 'pretty much like Woody or Roman themselves'.

"Sudden retrograde motions by testosterone planet Mars and the zodiac's taskmaster Saturn set the scene for wildcard reversals of fortune," a Hollywood Astrologers Collective statement says.

This could most likely affect Hollywood's senior snakesmen - uh, statesmen! - Polanski and Allen whose star charts are pitted with Uranus-like honeytraps.

Commenting on the upcoming awards ceremony an Oscars spokesman said, "The fault's in ourselves and not in our bloody stars," to paraphrase Ronald Reagan's Star Wars nomination acceptance.

Catch all the live coverage of the ceremony right here this weekend.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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