Written by D P Whitehead
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Monday, 24 February 2014

image for Paula Deen Frees Her Slaves And Asks For Forgiveness
Triple Deep Fried Fruit - Deens Answer To Everything - Ya'all

Paula Deen is on the comeback trail and has asked the public to forgive her for the racist comments that decimated her career last year.

"Listen ya'all, I know I came across as a bit of a racist last year, what with all the bad publicity and what not. But I just want ya'all to know that I freed all my slaves and want to say I am sorry, it was all a big misunderstanding. Ya'all," announced the diabetic former Food Network star as she took to the stage to prepare double deep fried chicken, triple deep fried carrots, quadruple deep fried potatoes and some deep fried baked beans.

"I am not a quitter," she announced to a packed crowd in Miami "apart from quitting being a racist. I quitted that. I also quitted eating my recipes, as my Doctor pointed out that it would likely kill me, you know, being a diabetic and all. But don't ya'all quit eating my food!"

Cheered on by several hundred obese fans, Deen promised she would come up with more artery clogging recipes soon for her legion of greedy and overweight followers.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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