President Obama is to reboot the earth on Monday and load the latest version of Windows. The planet's hard drives are running slow and the Middle East keeps crashing.
A genuine copy of the creation software has been obtained. Original Dvds of "The Ten Commandments" have been obtained from God, this time not pirate copies or torrent files. The Dinosaur Age should occur on Tuesday and Sodom and Gomorrah should be destroyed a week on Wednesday. Several programs such as World War 2 and Al Queda will not work with the new operating system, so long periods of peace and prosperity will replace them.
A list of compatible people and software has been published on the internet. Please remain where you are while the new software reboots and do not unplug the power cord until the installation is complete. The new system is claimed to be much more stable and less vulnerable to flu viruses. Firewalls are much improved and should prevent forest fires and bush fires.