Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 16 February 2014

image for Simon Cowell Now Has A Brand New Little Simon
Lauren Silverman just minutes before she gave birth to Simon Cowell's baby boy.

NEW YORK CITY - British music mogul Simon Cowell was all smiles as his girlfriend Lauren Silverman gave birth to Cowell's first child on Valentine's Day.

Cowell, 54, said that his baby mama and their new addition were both doing great. He did point out that her crotch region was still a bit sore but commented that she can put up with it since that's what being a mother is all about.

Tittle Tattle Tonight reported that the baby was named Eric after the infamous Viking known as Eric The Red.

The man responsible for American Idol and X-Factor said that there is no woman on the face of the Earth who he loves more than his 36-year-old girlfriend Lauren.

He paused for a moment and then added, "Well maybe except for the two possible exceptions of Paula Abdul and Demi Lovato."

The Sultan of Sarcasm winked at 3T's Pico de Gallo and said that he was just joking. He grinned and said that Paula was one of the best lovers he had ever had

Simon added that he attributed that remark to the fact that being a professional dance choreographer Paula can contort her legs into astonishing positions that graphic engineers can't even think of.

SIDENOTE: Simon says that he plans to take his new baby and baby mama to England so that they can meet Queen Elizabeth and take a tour of Buckingham Palace.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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