Written by Brett Taylor
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Sunday, 9 February 2014

image for Justin Bieber Joins Al-Qaeda
Republicans blame Hillary and Obama for the Bieber mess

The scandals are only deepening for singer Justin Bieber. After weeks of public turmoil including arrests for drunk driving and assault on a limo driver, the singer has officially announced his membership in Al-Qaeda and vowed war upon the United States. Bieber was apparently exposed to the group's radical Muslim philosophy in prison, and now vows war on the United States for his recent predicaments.

Republicans are already denouncing for not deporting the singer to his native country of Canada, forcing the president to address the issue in his recent State of the Union address, in which he vowed to bring the nefarious singer to justice. This was not enough for House Speaker John Boehner, who blames Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton for allowing Bieber to enter the United States in the first place. "The Democrats are to blame for allowing this to happen," Boehner remarked. "After all, it is well known that Canada is a hotbed of criminal scum." Forced to defend herself, Clinton could only say, "He seemed like such a nice boy at first. I don't know much about guys but they tell me he is supposed to be cute."

Bieber's list of misdeeds has grown so large and so commonplace that the media barely made note of the singer's recent admission of being the one who sold actor Philip Seymour Hoffman the fatal bag of heroin that finished him off. On this subject Bieber only shrugs nonchalalantly, saying, "Oh, that. Hey, that dude was old anyway."

Nonetheless, Bieber may be reaching the end of his road. President Obama has announced that, if Bieber does not turn himself in, he will have no choice but to send Navy SEALS to bring the singer to justice. "I don't want to give the order to kill," the president vowed during his recent State of the Union address, "but if necessary, I will. The American people deseve justice, and I will do my best to bring it to them. After all, polls show that the only two people hated by the American people are Osama bin Laden and Miley Cyrus. I have already taken care of bin Laden. Miley and Bieber, rest assured that your day of reckoning is at hand."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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