Written by Harry Porter
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Thursday, 2 November 2006

image for Heather Mills' Estranged Leg Breaks Silence
Lefty (right) with Mr Right (left) in happier times.

Beleaguered ex-Beatle Paul McCartney has gained an unusual ally in his acrimonious divorce battle - his wife's estranged leg.

'Lefty', as Lady Heather Mills-McCartney's former limb prefers to be called, has waded in to the war of words between the two celebrities, claiming years of abuse and emotional torment.

"I was very close to Heather's other leg," said Lefty, "he was my 'Mr Right'.

"But as soon as she hit adolescence she was forever pulling us apart. We were hardly ever together. Day in and day out, we were separated.

"It got to the stage where there wasn't even any pretence of us being close for the cameras.

"There's no two ways about it, she kept us wide apart to further her own career."

Lefty walked out on Heather in 1993 and has since enjoyed a successful career as a one-leg-kick-line on Broadway and has made several film appearances including a lead role in the Italian classic "Tre uomini e una gamba".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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