People for the Ever Troubling of Animals (PETA) has bestowed its prestigious Critter Benevolence and Guardian Award on venerable songster Willie Nelson.
PETA President and CEO (Chief Emphatic Officer) Richard Itchy-Skinne noted the life-long dedication of Nelson to preserving in his unwashed hair and beard the endangered Texas Hill Country Weasel Flea. "Willie has been committed to serving as an undisturbed, cleanser-free zone for this threatened species. By allowing the Weasel Fleas to breed and flourish, Willie embodies the PETA ideals of critter protection and proliferation," stated Itchy-Skinne.
Also noted in the PETA award press release was recognition of Willie's contributions in fostering the sometimes at-risk life cycle of the Colorado Bong Gnat. PETA gratefully acknowledged that Willie has consistently provided a symbiotic habitat for the Bong Gnat, which thrives in a hairy environment that is completely saturated with marijuana smoke.
Asked about receiving the prestigious award, Willie could only drawl, "Hell, it's the least I cin do fer them critters who have bin my life mates." Members of the Nelson entourage were not available for comment, as they were out getting their bi-weekly hose-downs and decontamination sprays.