Written by Neil Levine
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Topics: Divorce, Candy

Wednesday, 1 November 2006

image for Reese Is Going To Pieces
Reeses Pieces

Somewhere where the walls have ears and light bulbs have eyes - Unconfirmed reports have surfaced that Reese Withspoon, star of screen and disheartening family tragedy, is drowning her sorrows with Pink Ladies and Shirley Temples.

She has been spotted in some of the trendiest watering holes in and out of town, with and without an (what would appear to be a carefully chosen) unconcerned posse, but always (or almost always) with at least one drink in each hand and a straw at the ready. She is exemplifying the loneliness of the Hollywood image and the shallowness of public relations puffery; punching holes in the aphorism that "misery loves company", but reaffirming the old saw that you shouldn't read everything you believe in the papers.

We are able to confirm that Reese has not been deserted by her family nor that her adoring public has lost its fascination with her public relations blitzyness.

Never one to dwell in a positively negative atmosphere, it is reported that Reese has also been witnessed escorting her two little ones, Ava and Deacon, to all sorts of user friendly fund raisers, non-secretarial charity events and kiddie perks. Reports have also surfaced that she has been caught buying a complete set of whipped chairs and candied canes, a horse drawn golf cart and and and other worthless items for her trivial amusement and self depreciation.

Finally, Reese has been seen entering and exiting a showing of "Saw III" and a "Parnic At The Disco" golden anniversary concert.

Further developments as Reese goes to pieces, breaking hearts and things, (not necessarily in any organized order), will be published as they become available.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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