Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 24 January 2014

image for Duck Dynasty's Phil Robertson Proudly Boasts: We Ain't Got No Gays In Louisiana
Trixie (L) and Courtney (R) two avowed lesbianites were asked to move out of Louisiana.

MONROE, Louisiana - The multi-millionaire leader of Duck Dynasty's Robertson family, Phil Robertson has just made a strong statement to Voodoo Dupree with Glamboyant Magazine.

The 67-year-old long beared patriarch of the Louisiana family stated that he is thrilled as a newborn crawfish to say that his beloved state of Louisiana is free of gays and lesbianites.

Phil giggled as he said that they have tons of darn mosquitoes and pesky swamp insects but everyone in the Bayou State is as straight as a 12-inch ruler.

Miss Dupree, who is the sister of Louisiana comedian Zydeco Dupree, asked Mr. Robertson how he could be so sure that everyone in his state is straight.

He smiled as he put down his whittlin' knife and bottle of Pepsi-Cola and said that he hasn't seen any confused gender folks since Louisiana native Ellen DeGeneres up and moved to Hollywood.

SIDENOTE: Miss Dupree was curious so she called up the police department of Lake Charles and asked the police chief if he knew of any gays or lesbians living in his city. The chief of police quickly answered that there used to be two gay lesbionics living in Lake Charles but the city council asked them to move to Mississippi and they did the very next day.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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