Written by Keith Shirey
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Saturday, 18 January 2014

image for Duck Dynasty Clan to Move to Iran

Phil Robertson, star of the reality TV show Duck Dynasty, said today that the whole Robertson clan will move to the nation of Iran. "We just think we'll be more comfortable there" he said.

"They're not right-wing fundamentalist Christians like us, and that is a drawback, but they
fundamentalists. The leadership doesn't tolerate decadent things like modern art and music, women acting too uppity - you know women have to toe the line over there."

"See, they know what I know, that if you start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there, you're going to get bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and that woman and then all kinds of different men." said Mr Robertson.

"I don't know why a man would be attracted to a man when a woman's got this neat biological equipment to offer. The Iranians get that. Man, iwas told that 4,000 lesbians and gays have been executed since the 1979 Islamic revolution. They behead people, chop them in two, stone them to death, burn them alive.

"That's awesome. We'll feel right at home there." he smiled, stroking his long shaggy beard.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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