London, UK - Cross-eyed ten year old royal brat Lady Louise Von Battenburg-Hitler won't be seen in public for at least another three years after surgeons said there was nothing more they could do about her, uh, problem.
Queen Elizardbirth's pug-ugly granddaughter may now have to take a hint from her plastic surgeons and wear a paper bag over her head - 'or one of those fetching Afghani burkhas' - according to a Palace style advice forum.
Louise is the latest member of the faux royal line to be banned from the Queen's stables after grooms complained her face 'frightens the horses', making them prone to violent wind-breaking attacks.
Last year a number of royal drays had to be humanely put down after suffering bizarre equine psychosis syndrome following a stable visit by the young gargoyle.
Courtiers previously blamed Louise's hideous mother Sophie Wessex for passing on the dodgy DNA inherited from her own birth father Sir Terence Con-Artist, the famous Brit style bullshitter and restaurant design plagiarist.
"One day Young Louise will inherit Sir Terence's legacy," an insider commented today, "mostly three double chins and some barbed wire-like whiskers growing vertically from his massive flared nostrils."
The Duchess of Malfi is 69.