In the prestigious new Ruff Guide to the world, Wales has been given a FFFF rating for cheerfulness, down from FFFE three years ago.
The home of depressing poetry, Eisteddfod parties and almost constant rain, Wales has slipped to below France, this year sporting a more cheery FFFD. William Haig, the Chairman of Scotch Whiskey and foreign policy says he will make arrangements for cheerful music to be broadcast on P.A. systems all the time. "Jesus wants me for a sunbeam" is to be broadcast 24/7 until I see a lot more smiling faces, said William, and anoraks will be banned.