Written by Calebthegreat
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Topics: Breaking Bad, AMC

Friday, 13 December 2013

ALBUQUERQUE - Bryan Cranston, in an exclusive interview earlier today, revealed that his next big project will be to run for president in 2016 in character as Walter White. And, interestingly enough, he already has backing to prove it as a worthy cause, as White has already won the states of Arizona, New Mexico, and California, without the voting booths or prediction polls even opened yet.

"The people down here, they love me. I provide them with a product, and they respond pleasurably." He announced that he has a long list of things he wants to change on his first day in office, and warned not to get him started on how he would whip Washington into place. "Have you seen my show? Then you know how I negotiate. I don't." He also explained that in order to establish his dominance, he would begin every speech by forcing everyone in attendance to "Say my name."

While most of the people in the room were too terrified to ask Cranston any questions, a couple reporters were able to nervously burble some pre-written statements while looking at their feet. When one journalist asked how Cranston was so sure his tactics would work on Washington's arrogant incompetents, he stated smugly, "Because I say so." It can't be denied that he has a brash attitude that inhibits fear into his opponents, but more importantly, White's schemes always seem to turn out successful in one way or the other, a fact that he seems to be aware of and only serves to balloon his inflated ego.

Although he admitted that it would be a match made in heaven to have Aaron Paul as Jesse Pinkman for his running mate, he had to accept the fact that when paired up as a team, Walt and Jesse have a bad habit of taking situations "one step forward and two steps backward." White asserted that it would be more beneficial to the country to have someone more familiar with the government's ass-backward political procedures, like a lawyer.

"Better call Saul," White said slyly, hinting that Bob Odenkirk as Saul Goodman might be the perfect fit for his vice presidential nominee.

Not only are fans of Breaking Bad excited with the news of Walter White's candidacy, even members of congress admit that they'd be happy to have someone of his stature occupying the Oval Office.

"It's obvious that White has a certain way with words that kind of force you to be compulsory with what he's asking you to do," observed Senator Ted Cruz (R) of Texas. "I wouldn't fuck with him."

White noted that he wouldn't refrain from using his ruthless character to accomplish his goals in DC, and if necessary, won't hesitate to execute his presidential ambitions as Heisenberg. "I am the one that knocksā€¦heads on the floor if you refuse to sign this bill," White was heard rehearsing in his changing room. "I'm going to be running a tight, tight, tight ship around here from now on, so tread lightly."

When asked what party he aligns himself with, Red, Blue, or Green, Cranston simply stated "White."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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