Written by Terrell Manasco
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Topics: Heather Mills

Tuesday, 24 October 2006

image for Heather Mills McCartney Says " I Am So Switching To De-Caf"
I Can't Sleep, I Tell Ya

Paul McCartney's soon-to-be ex-wife, Heather Mills McCartney, says she has decided to switch to decaffeinated coffee.

"I am just so bloody tired of losing sleep, and I think it could be the Super Duper Extra Rich Roasted Coffee I use." When this reporter replied that he's never heard of that particular brand of coffee, Ms. Mills responded, in a very rapid, almost unintelligible speech, "Oh you know, it's the one that's imported from some place in Columbia, in those little plastic baggy thingies. I've tried to stop drinking it before but you know it's funny,I can't seem to leave it alone. It's really good stuff."

When asked if that was the only reason she was switching to decaf, Mills McCartney said, "Well, after I waxed my garage floors and cleaned my house, and most of my neighbors' houses, then mowed all of their lawns after finishing off a fresh pot, I decided it was time to go to decaf. I am just tired of staying up all night. There's nothing on the telly, except Benny Hill reruns and those bloody stupid infomercials. I just want to throw my prosthetic leg at the tube when I see them."

All further questions were referred to Mills McCartney's attorney, Juan Valdez.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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