Written by IainB
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Monday, 9 December 2013

image for Derek Acorah arrested while driving under the influence
After the accident, Acorah's speedometer indicated he wasn't moving, so it must be the other car's fault

Derek Acorah, the world's most famous grey haired psychic has been arrested for suspicion of driving whilst under the influence, something that he has embraced.

"Derek has stated to the police that he was under the influence of spirits whilst driving," said life long friend and legal counsel, Kevin Decorum. "But they misunderstood."

Acorah crashed his thirty million pound Land Rover (that's its weight, not its price tag) into a five thousand pound Ford (that's its price tag, not its weight) over the weekend, and police were on the scene so suspiciously fast, it was like they had prior knowledge, or the help of a rival psychic.

"Derek maintains his innocence in all of this," said Decorum. "Whilst driving, he was suddenly possessed by the spirit of an eighteenth century nobleman called Henry Malodorous. Sadly, the automobile had not been invented when Henry Malodorous was around, and the spirit found it most difficult to control the vehicle, resulting in the accident."

Police reports have indicated that Acorah was driving erratically, after leaving the Horse and Hounds public house where the only spirits he had imbibed had been of the undead variety.

"There is a possibility," said Decorum, "that some of those who possessed him may have had a few glasses of ale. This however, is not Derek's fault, and he can be in no way indicted for any kind of drink driving offence."

As Malodorous could not drive, he brought the car to a stop as quickly as possible, possibly using the other vehicle as a brake.

"This has to be considered safe, not reckless, driving," said Decorum.

Additionally, Decorum has stated that the other vehicle involved in the accident was also driving in an erratic fashion.

"The old couple driving the other vehicle," he said, "we're all over the place. Their hats may have fallen over their eyes, or something. And there's no way Derek could have seen that coming."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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