GLASGOW, Scotland - A flock of seagulls, distraught over the loss of their mates to a windmill farm by hatching a plan to take out a helicopter over a popular Glasgow pub, says anthropologist and part-time crime writer, Archibald Leach, University of the Highlands and Islands.
"No doubt this plan was premeditated and there is blood on the hands of every windmill and global warming activist in the country. Innocent pub goers are dead and injured as a result of the foolhardy notion that wind farms are hospitable to the environment. They're not. Thousands of birds are being hacked to death as they fly through these monstrous freestanding meat grinders."
"Obviously a few of the lads decided enough was enough and took it upon themselves as leader of their bird community to enact a suicide mission whereby they flew en masse into a heavily fortified police helicopter which crashed, in order to bring attention to their own plight."
"Whether there will be more of these ad hoc acts of terrorism from the seagulls, one can only surmise. However it has been confirmed that Hollywood is interested in doing a mini-series based on Alfred Hitchcock's 'The Birds' and a lot of us are keen to put our two cents in provided we get paid a proper commission to whip people up into a frenzy, just like the global warming alarmists have been."