Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 30 November 2013

image for Miranda Lambert Reveals The Secret To Her Astounding 31 Pound Weight Loss
Miranda says that now that she's lost 31 pounds she looks absolutely delicious. (Photo by Adam Levine).

NASHVILLE - Miranda Lambert was so afraid of losing her husband Blake Shelton to some pretty young thing that she decided to go on a diet to get rid of that hefty look.

Miranda who stands 5-foot-4-inches tall has been worried for months that Blake was starting to eye the slim and trim gals that he comes across on a daily basis.

Lambert was especially concerned about Blake's fellow The Voice cast mate Christina Aguilera who has really slimmed down quite a bit and is looking erotically sexy.

ChrisAg no longer looks like a shorter, blonde version of Kirstie Alley and she is getting lots of compliments including one from Vice-President Biden who recently told Larry King on The Viagra View that if he was not married he would make a play for Miss Aguilera.

Miranda was asked by Taffeta Kixx with The Gossipette Gazette what her weight loss secret was.

The "Gunpowder And Lead" singer smiled and said that contrary to rumors, she did not get her stomach stapled. She revealed that what she did was go on the Bottled Water Diet.

She said that the pounds just fell off of her body and now she has the body of a high school cheerleader.

Her hubby Blake Shelton said that since she's lost all that weight he doesn't have to look at slender women because he has a slender wife and he hopes that she stays that way.

Blake winked and said that maybe now the crick in his neck will go away.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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