Written by Johnny Moodis
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Tuesday, 18 November 2003

image for Kevin Costner Murders Seven Prostitutes for Movie Role Research
Kevin Costner isn't afraid to get his hands bloody for his films.

In an effort to get in touch with his next movie role, actor Kevin Costner brutally murdered seven prostitutes last week.

"I'm playing a convicted murderer of prostitutes who is overcome with remorse," Costner said, "I wanted to do this great role justice, so I figured the best way to do so is murder some prostitutes on my own."

Costner's murder spree was conducted in and around Hollywood's red light district for five consecutive days last week. The murders were done in the wee hours of the morning to lessen the chances of any outside influences interfering with Costner's research. Hollywood police granted special permission to Costner to perform the murders.

"It's a pretty standard deal to give the big name actors carte blanche on their role research," said Dan Andrews, a sergeant with the Hollywood Police Department, "Sometimes it's simple stuff, like vandalizing some property for a role, but sometimes it's more advanced research like this and we tell the actor to proceed with killing as long as it's prostitutes or drug dealers or Carrot Top."

Costner often dives heavily into researching his movie roles, such as his disastrous turn in Waterworld.

"For Waterworld I had a lot of fun with my research," Costner said, "I tried to not make any sense for an entire year. That's also the same basic approach I took with JFK. I would go around and spout off a bunch of crap theories with no real solid evidence to back it up. It was fun!"

Costner's latest role, of a convicted murderer named Sam Campbell, is purely fictional, but that didn't stop Costner from wanting to get inside his head.

"This was a fantastic learning experience for me," Costner said, "You can read all the books about murder you want, but nothing beats slicing a hooker's head off and carrying it around in a picnic cooler."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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