Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Nigella Lawson

Tuesday, 26 November 2013

image for Nigella Lawson, star of The Taste cookery show, swears blind it was 'just baking powder'
Powdered her nose with culinary stuff?

New York, USA - "Uh, Cream of Tartar or bicarbonate of soda?" a former cookery show producer queried today as news broke that the Brit TV chef who famously wowed US cable audiences with her The Taste show alongside NY chef Anthony Bourdain may have been sugar-dusting more than just her, um, scrumptious muffins.

The remarks come as the voluptuous food diva's ex-husband, art collector Charles Saatchi, claims in London lawsuit that his former Missus was so 'out of her tree' that she failed to notice her two Italian aides splurging some $500,000 on her credit cards during an illicit shopping blitz on Fifth Avenue earlier this year.

Splashed across the front pages of tonight's evening papers the Saatchi story alleges Lawson and her teenage daughter 'are hardened fiends' and that the Italian assistants nothing more than conniving enablers.

The scurrilous details are a far cry from Lawson's stellar if somewhat simpering career channeling the Goddess of Cookery on two million quid a year.

Last year your fearless reporter claimed Nigella Lawson's highly calorific cholesterol-laden dishes were a secret attempt to despatch Charles Saatchi to an early grave by loading his domestic calorific intake with coronary-busting stuff.

Other reports queried how Nigella managed to keep trim her voluptuous figure if she really was shovelling 10,000 calorie home-made chocolate cake down her own gob each day.

"Now we know, heheh," Brit TV cookery judge Mandy Ripples commented, "no doubt that will kill off an appetite far better than a bulimic trip to the lav."

Expect the fur to fly in public later next week when the London law suit finally takes off.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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