Paparazzi swarmed around Paul McCartney and Heather Mills as the recently estranged couple announced they would be getting back together. "We are just so happy now," proclaimed McCartney as the couple kissed and fondled each other at a hastily prepared news conference. "I truly love Heather and couldn't bear the thought of not being able to feel the warmth of her artificial leg under the covers at night," said the ex-Beatle. "It all comes down to realizing that a bloke like me would have a hard time finding another young blonde to share my fortune with."
A joyful Heather Mills told reporters, "I really do love Paul -- in spite of his drunken rages, attacks with broken wine glasses, and brutish behavior towards me. I now understand that it's just all the heavy drugs that causes him to act up that way. I thought it would be easy just to leave him, but after considering how I would sink into obscurity while he remained a famous Beatle, I changed my mind."
After the news conference, the couple made a quick get away with Paul slamming the limo door on Heather's good leg.