Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 22 October 2013

image for Kristen Stewart Says She's Just About Gotten Over Rob Pattinson
K-Stew spent six days at The Henry & Betty Ford Rehab Clinic. (Photo provided by Lindsay Lohan).

NEW YORK CITY - The girl known for having a perpetual smirk on her face, Kristen Stewart, made a guest appearance on The View.

She told Jenny McCarthy that she has finally realized that her ex-boyfriend and fellow Twilight Saga actor, Rob Pattinson is not going to get back together with her.

K-Stew, as Michelle Obama calls her, confessed that she misses the heck out of RPattz but there is nothing short of kidnapping him that she can do.

She giggled as she said that strangely enough, back in May she came very close to hiring two illegal aliens from Guatemala to kidnap Pattinson, but the Guatemalans wanted to have a threesome with her and she said "No bueno."

Kristen said that she decided to enter The Henry & Betty Ford Clinic and get help getting over her incessant infatuation with Robby.

She explained that it took six days but she can now say that she's just about gotten over Rob. She smiled as she said that she needs about 3 percent and she will reach the 100 percent mark.

In Other News. President Obama is seriously considering cancelling Obamacare to the little island of Key West, Florida. The president remarked that the little bitty island just parties way too damn much.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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