Written by Mitchell Scott
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Wednesday, 9 October 2013

Washington, D.C. - In shocking news, Kris Jenner announced today that she and husband, Bruce, have separated after 22 years of being unhappily married.

At first, it appeared the king and queen of reality television parted ways due to Kris' inability to show human emotion, which was deeply embedded under the many inches of makeup required for her appearance on the show. On "Keeping Up with the Kardashians," Bruce and Kris also constantly argued over what fake plot lines would occur during the highly successful show.

Bruce was upset about plots that showed the family as one happy unit - a stark contrast to what Bruce believed was the "dark reality." He decried to Kris, trying to save their marriage, "this isn't our story! How could you do something so insane such as faking a wedding [between Kris Humphries and Kim Kardashian] on national tv! And having Ryan Seacrest pay Lamar Odom to pretend to like Khloe!! You are crazy, woman."

However, it has now surfaced that Kris Jenner may be pregnant. And everyone is now wondering whether Bruce is the father of the child. According to friends, however, all indications point to a different and new "character" in Kris' life. One close friend said, "Kris has been running around with different guys for years. We can't even keep count, or rather, keep up with the Kardashian, on this!"

Some reports suggest that Kris may have fallen for a young football player - which Kim and Kris both have penchants for - named Robert Griffin III. RGIII has initially denied reports of a torrid affair, but says that "Kris is a beautiful, smart, and incredible woman. You guys need to back off her!" It remains unclear whether RGIII is the father.

Bruce has petitioned Kris to allow him to take a paternity test to determine the father of the child.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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