Written by joseph k winter
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Thursday, 26 September 2013

image for Miley Cyrus diagnosed with CTD (compulsive tongue disorder)
CTDAnonymous societies have formed and welcome new members

Miley Cyrus's tongue activity has drawn a lot of attention, including this comment, rumored to have come from the Queen: "I'm sick and tired of seeing that girl's tongue."

Medical and psychiatric professionals are also weighing in.

Tongue specialists around the world have been studying "tongue pallor variations" (TPV). They are seeking evidence as to whether Ms. Cyrus's latte activity, or some more morbid physical condition, could account for various unhealthy shadings.

There are also some concerns that "tongue waggers and displayers" at times degenerate beyond giving simple signals toward serious opthamological problems.

Involuntary crossed eyes and discordant eye rolling can occur when the emerging tongue "provides stimulus."

The lower body may twitch simultaneously, independent of any deliberate efforts to cause the body "to twerk."

In psychological studies, protruding tongue condition (PTC) takes on various applications known formally as lingua gertrudinitus (LG).

(The name of this condition most likely derives from the Queen in Shakespeare's Hamlet with her "What have I done that thou dar'st wag thy tongue in noise so rude against me?" Act III Scene IV).

The study of lingua gertrudinitus or LG indicates repeated public display reveals the desire to "place oneself on a plate" for the viewer and prospective sexual partner(s).

At an extreme, tongue emergence becomes spontaneous and even uncontrollable (known as compulsive tongue disorder or CTD). This condition could lead to obstructions in speaking or impede any waking activity.

The organ appears to assume independence and make up its own mind as when to fly into action. Known LG sufferers have reported "rogue tongue activity" (RTA) when getting on busses and in airports, at times causing acute discomfort to other passengers and security guards.

One of the most bizarre cases reports an LG patient literally "led by the tongue" when it flew out of her mouth, causing her to run after it at an immoderate pace until it plastered itself onto a plate at an outdoor restaurant.

On the other hand, the lingua gertrudinitis syndrome has brought encouraging developments in the pharmaceutical and medical assistance industries.

Tongue drops are now available with only moderate side effects: tongue discoloration, food taste distortion, loose teeth, growth of an additional tongue (exceedingly rare).

Additionally, various styles of tongue restrainer are now available. These are used to fasten the lips and jaw effectively, and prevent unwanted protrusions.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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