Written by BrunetteGirl xxx
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Topics: Twitter

Monday, 12 August 2013

image for Twitter silences Jaiden Micheal!
Guilty Jaiden, fleeing Twitter Headquarters!

Jaiden Micheal, Reality Zzzzzz Lister of now defunct E4 show Desperate Scousewives and allegedly Britain's most brutal blogger has really shot himself in the mouth this time as he was awarded a lifetime ban from social networking site Twitter directly from CEO Dick Costolo and Chairman Jack Dorsey. The pair became thoroughly pissed off as the Twitter monitoring team bombarded them with thousands upon thousands of complaints from various members of the public and celebrities about their Twitter accounts being clogged up on a daily basis with insulting, derogatory and plain rude tweets from Mr Jaiden Micheal.

Jaiden makes majority of his income based on his controversial frank opinions, taking advantage of today's 'free speech' culture. Since Scousewives, he has released a tell all book as well as regular blogging on his website. His twitter account was mainly used for the same purpose, insulting various individuals, pop puppets The Wanted being a regular of his favourite victims. However this time his outspokeness has gone a bit too far

After the Twitter monitoring team noticed a huge uproar was going down by several people complaining about one person, the message was passed on to Mr Costolo and Mr Dorsey who addressed an official letter to Jaiden Micheal with concern, kindly requesting he refrain from harassing Twitter users and tone down his language with no further action being taken. Seems a reasonable request, but did Jaiden take this advice did he 'eck!

After ignoring two high powered businessmen, a riled Jaiden retaliated by proceeding to up his controversy for his twitter followers even more, trending that 'the CEO and Chairman of Twitter are fat f***s'. Mr Costolo and Mr Dorsey, then decided to conduct a full scale search of the site, working closely with police to monitor Jaiden's tweeting behaviour on a regular basis and how they can minimize the conflict inflicted on their site from his outspoken mouth. Realising there was no end to his mouth running away with him, they summoned his arrest and requested they meet the famous Mersey tunnel in person.

Jaiden led out in handcuffs was bundled onto a flight by police escort over to Twitter's San Francisco headquarters. He even had the cheek to try and tweet his despair to twitter users on the flight, leading police to confiscate his phone. He cockily walked into the high rise building with a chip on his shoulder like a naughty boy attending detention. He took one look at the buisnessmen and reportedly began speaking before he'd even sat down.

"look lads, there's no need for this. I have me opinion, you have an opinion. I have the right to express me opinion, there ain't a damn thing you can do about it. Opinions are like a***holes everyone has one". The buinessmen stared blankly at him trying to understand the Scouse accent. "Do you need an interpreter?" asked their secretary. "No it's fine. I have to say Jaiden we do not waste time having meetings like this very often especially with Z-Listers" Mr Dorsey snorted "but i had to fly you out here today because the strange manner in which you choose to express your opinions is rather worrying". "No it's not you melt, maybe I can be harsh at times. But these people need to be told when there attention seeking runts" shouted Jaiden gobbing spit everywhere.

"Excuse me I am the chairman of this website. Twitter is for people to have constructive exchanges of opinions. I am not going to allow you to keep on using my website as an harassment tool to air your weekly derogatory comments. That's not what it was designed for" shouted Mr Dorsey. Jaiden suddenly went sheepish and shrugged.

"I'm also fed up of your constant spamming as well as the Trojan horses you keep direct messaging people including me". "So you flew me all the way out here to bark this at me you pouting prick?" moaned Jaiden. "We could have saved you the trip and sent you a letter. But your that much of a nuisance I couldn't resist telling you your punishment in person so i could see the look on your face or rather your mouth" snapped Mr Dorsey. "I am pleased to tell you we issue you with the permanent deactivation of your current account as well as your presence on the website and yes that is a lifetime ban!" said Mr Costolo firmly.

Jaiden who had just had his ego knocked, stared blankly with his mouth open and tried to protest 'this is pathetic, I am allowed the right to me opinion, it may not be everyone's cup of tea but when someone's a c*** or a fit f*** I have to tell em'. Mr Dorsey rolled his eyes and put his hands up "Please leave". Jaiden was yanked off his chair by the two burly minders "this is ridiculous, I'm Jaiden Micheal I tell it like it is. I should not be denied a voice like this, I can't survive without Twitter" and he stuck his fingers up at the buisnessmen who were shocked at the extent of his anti-social behaviour. Jaiden's demeanour however changed as soon as he left the building, Uk paparazzi who'd flown over, captured the moment as he wrapped himself up in his coat pulling his bandana over his head and looking guility towards the pavement.

I jumped in on the act and we found some close sources to Jaiden to tell us how a Z Lister could have got himself in such a mess

"Jaiden has always had a mouth for as long as I've known him, it took him a fair while to find his mouth but one day he let out this roar and from then on it was this i'll do what I like attitude". Another said "Jaiden is very blunt, if he thinks you're a mess he'll tell you regardless that's why we love him". A much closer source when we explained what he'd done said "Huh, him that little runt. He was always gonna turn out to be trouble. He was always very brash and gobby once he found his mouth. But don't bother calling him fat cause he knows he is"

It looks like Jaiden's done himself no favours, however he needn't worry he's still being allowed to take part in many promotional events for a certain Liverpool based charity. When we asked why he's being allowed to continue after the current controversy surrounding him, I was stunned to be told that being gobby and having an opinion are two of the top qualities needed to be a supporter for that particular charity. Oh in that case Jaiden 'Gobby' Michael we salute you!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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